Friday, April 30, 2010

Pictures and rhymes


They say a picture speaks a thousand words,
but 'blooming willow' here requires its caption

and who can photo major or minor thirds?
this frozen lake's known better with description.

Perhaps you can see what I had for lunch
but this won't tell my joy to find radicchio
as for the coconut cheese, I have a hunch,
its whiteish, milky look could easily trick you


without my explanation - and who'd know
these bees had waited, jammed by regulations,
to fly north to Alaskan homes and so
begin their cautious willow pollinations?


Bees in the airport, no sleep, blizzard's cruel glory

A picture speaks, but not the total story.

*****

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Wordstalks 6: Mud Boils


Crayfish boils, crab boils, shrimp boils (chitterling struts, clam bakes, pasta feeds) potato boils? Brussels sprout boils? Mud boils?

Gum boils, leg boils, (tooth abscesses, blood blisters,) mud boils?

Obviously, it doesn't belong to the first category, which refer to social events featuring the boiling (or other preparation) of said food item.

Perhaps it comes closer to the second category I could think of, featuring an uncomfortable eruption on the skin. Except in this case, the skin is that of the earth. Well, the earth is our body too, right?

This is a 'mud boil.' 


Well, actually, it's several mud boils all conglomerated together through our slow learning and continual attempting to park the truck where we normally park it! This is what happens when all that ice that has been holding the soil rigid for so many months melts, water running everywhere, insufficient gravel to sluice away the water fast enough and to sustain the weight of a half-ton truck, packed clay, compressed moisture, pustule-like eruptions of brobdingnagian proportions!

A new word, or phrasal word, on me. I needed to hear it twice: forgot it after the first time: the best I could recall was 'mud blister,' further proof that I'd instantly filed it under the second of my two categories above: I didn't come out with 'mud strut' after all!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

No-Sugar Mint-Chocolate 'Bark'/'Fudge' Recipe, Phil's Bear Hunt, Ingredient Notes

Phil's gone on a bear-hunt today! We got up early to get him loaded and launched at the harbor. We saw two moose on the way there, one great with calf, the other a skinny yearling. I felt a little sacrilegious, but I was so relieved not to be going on the trip! The whole undertaking of going across the bay in his little tiny inflatable boat is so arduous. Stuffing multiple drybags full of equipment and warm clothing under the bow, then loading up fuel tanks, anchor, motor (which all by itself is significantly heavier than me), bundling up in multiple layers to withstand the cold of being flush with the ocean. 

It reminded me of all the times that we went off like that last year, and how exhausted I would get from all the hauling and lifting! I really need to work on reminding myself of what wonderful adventures we had too, hiking along remote trails, watching unusual wildlife, encountering bears, eating early spring greenery…Being flush with the ocean means encountering sea otters, seals, all kinds of seaducks, sometimes even whales, at close quarters, which is a unique experience every time. But Phil asked me to pump up the keel of the boat, which has a slow leak, before launch, and that alone together with a little equipment stowage was enough for me that I had to lay down when I got home.

So, it seems like a good day, although I intended to do this last week, to share my more stimulating no-sugar fudge/bark recipe.  Since the naturopath told me that I should be eating a half cup of coconut oil a day(!!), I've been focusing more on these fudge/bark type snacks than on energy bars. There's no way I'm eating that much a day, but at least a part of me wants to try. The recipe follows the same format as my 'celebratory fudge' that I shared earlier, except that now I'm using exclusively coconut oil instead of a coconut/cacao butter mixture. This is just for my specific needs at the moment: if you want something more room-temperature-stable, feel free to add some cacao butter.

My problem with this recipe that I'm sharing today is that it tastes too good! I have no appetite at the moment and this is the only thing that I eat that I want to eat more of. But its main flavors are cacao and peppermint, both of which are somewhat stimulating, and so I'm afraid of creating more crashing and burning for my wiped-out adrenals with it. 

Yesterday, I created another one that appeals to my tastebuds without the stimulation: a cardamom/almond/sesame based one that appeals to my Mediterranean nostalgia. 

But the peppermint/cacao one is too good not to share, so here it is:

Mint-Chocolate Bark

1 c coconut oil, melted
1 t stevia (white powder)
generous pinch of salt
generous pinch of vanilla powder
6-7 drops peppermint oil (or 1/2t peppermint essence)
1 T lecithin, ground in coffee grinder
1 T spirulina
2 T glutamine powder
2 T maca
shakes of cinnamon, ginger, cayenne
1 c coconut flour
3/4 c cacao nibs
2 T ground chia seeds
1 c ground filberts

Melt the coconut oil and add the other ingredients in the order specified, stirring well after each addition. If the mixture is still oil-heavy at this point, add some more dry ingredients, which could be more coconut flour or some pulp from making nut milk.

Pour the whole thing out onto a shallow tray and refrigerate or freeze until set, then cut or break into desired sizes. 

Oh, this is so yummy! It's green and minty and crunchy and just so good!

A few notes on the ingredients: 
Glutamine is a non-essential amino acid that is considered crucial for rebuilding the small intestine. It has also been clinically shown to help reduce cravings.
Ground chia seeds: I always add some flax or chia to my energy bar/ball/bark recipes, to help balance the omega 3:6 ratio of the whole. I talk about this ratio and how important it is in my article for 'Eighty Percent Raw' Magazine for the month of May.
Lecithin: is an emulsifier, which means that it helps things to bind together and also helps with digestion of fats. It's an important source of choline, an essential b-vitamin. Non-soy-based lecithins are starting to be available: out of my reach for the moment but I make sure to get non-GMO organic soy lecithin.

I can talk about maca and spirulina sometime if there's interest, but I think most folks know the buzz about them… Ok, a few words!  Maca the Andean adaptogen, the brassica-family pioneer of harsh environments, said to be a godsend for thyroid problems (guess I should eat more of it): I have a tray of maca starts up here: we'll see how they do! Delicious subtle malty flavor.
Spirulina the wonderfully protein-rich, easily cultured alga loaded with beta carotene and b-vitamins, as well as magnesium-rich, life-giving chlorophyll. I was just remembering today an experience years ago of having depression lift almost instantly after eating some spirulina. And it's green and makes this treat look yummy and minty!

Monday, April 26, 2010

The View From Here/Up For This Week



The View From Here

There is more green here every day: soon the new grass will have outstripped all the tired old brown grass buried in the darkness of snow all those months.

The sandhill cranes arrived last week and fly through the dawn and dusktime skies emitting their ineffably haunting calls. There are more gulls every day, so elegant as they ride the air currents. The eagles are mating - our haughty, imperious grandees billing and cooing and chasing. This morning, we saw a lone trumpeter swan flying north. Very rare to see a lone swan, we wondered what befell its fellow.

The view from inside of me: it's as though I'm being forced, age 33, to learn the lessons of old age and acceptance of loss of faculties. I am still exhausted from the journey/sleepless night/accident, and weak. Everything I take on is too much. This morning, I set out to make two kinds of energy bars each for myself and Phil, as well as bread for Phil, and was completely exhausted by about two-thirds through. But that is how I ordinarily cook! If I'm going to make stuff, I might as well multitask and make a bunch, get into my groove, dance around the kitchen… I don't even know how to do it differently! And my memory is suddenly less good too. 

Up For This Week

Watch out for the May edition of Eighty Percent Raw Magazine coming out May 1st! I have an article in there on how to enjoy peanuts responsibly. I've also just sent in the second part of a two-part blog post on the 80-10-10 diet.

Phil is heading off tomorrow for the first camping trip of the year, bearhunting, clamming, etc, and I'm not going with him. Even if I didn't have bees to take care of and mercury removals, I simply don't have the energy to go for three days boating/hiking/camping frozen nights. Sobering and chastening just begin to get it.

Of course, I hope he'll have a wonderful time and look forward to hearing his tales of adventure.

I'm disappointed that I didn't write all the blog posts that  I had intended to write last week, but fully intend to make a better fist of things this week (and forgive myself: last week was hard enough without recriminations).

So, this week I will share my 'alternate fudge' recipe that I'd promised last week. They're really more 'bark' than fudge - I'm not even sure what the right name for them is. Melted coconut oil with stevia and spices and crunchy yummy things in it…

And surely a 'wordstalk' this week. I'd like to write some 'writing-oriented' things also, and, since I seem to be in a losing battle with the food demons currently, perhaps a little about that too.


Friday, April 23, 2010

'What Was I Thinking?' Ending In Tears - A Blessing No one Was Hurt


[Written last night]

Before I left town, I asked myself out loud on here what I was thinking volunteering myself for an all-nighter in my current weak state, especially with a mercury removal as the immediate sequel. It turns out that it was the right question to ask. To be honest, I really believed that even though I have been having such depth of fatigue, with my customary grit and determination I would be able to pull off a performance exceptional for my current abilities, to borrow from myself to help everyone out, with just a little stimulation and intention.

It was going so well, too. Getting the bees released from the cargo area took a long time, during which I got to know another really cool beekeeper from the Anchorage area, and both of us fielded all kinds of questions about bees from the cargo staff, who were fascinated and excited: there was definitely a 'buzz' when the two huge carts full of bee packages were wheeled out! I got very cold during that time, and kept the truck chilly, so as to keep myself awake. I left the airport, and the three local folks still hard at work, unpacking bees, around 2.30am.
[No internet time right now, but I will update with a couple photos I took.]

My eyes were peeled for moose. I negotiated miles of heavy rain, and then some miles of thick fog over the mountains. I successfully delivered two packages to people further north on the peninsula who waited for me in their trucks. The bees were in good shape. I made Soldotna (72 miles north of Homer) around 6am: driving through the inexorably gloaming dawn for the previous hour, despite the extreme moose hazard and having to hit myself to keep from getting sleepier, was an almost mystically beautiful experience, with snowbanks receding, the purple of naked alders everywhere, willows rearing up blooms sticky with pollen (just right for my passengers); stands of scrubby spruces in swampy lowlands with the ice mostly melted out.

6am and indubitably light, and back on relatively familiar turf - I really felt like the most difficult part of the journey had been successfully negotiated and was looking forward to getting home around 8 and having a comfortable cushion before my 10am dentist appointment. I walked around and stretched legs, got a cup of hot rooibos tea, and continued my slow and steady progress homewards.

Nemesis for Hubris?

Well, maybe that sense of confidence was hubris? But there's no doubt that driving in daylight is so much easier… A few miles further on, I encountered some more heavy rain, which was falling as sleet after a couple of minutes, and then within a mile I was in a blizzard! Springtime in Alaska: one of the major challenges of driving here, especially in spring and fall is the suddenness of weather changes.

I was so grateful for the hours spent practicing ice-driving on Beluga Lake this winter: I was in two-wheel drive and our truck is light in the back (read 'skid-prone'). In the moment that I was thinking I should look for somewhere to pull over to click my hubs for 4-wheel drive, the most awful thing happened. The truck skidded badly enough that I lost control, swerved into the oncoming lane (there's only one lane in each direction this section of the highway), headed for the ditch. I had been going pretty slow and  managed to wrest control back and was almost completely back on my side of the road. But for an unfortunate piece of timing (the fact that it could have been timed even worse for maximum carnage is salutary to remember), someone else was coming the other way! His front driver's side collided with my driver's side rear end just as I was getting myself straight. So, knocked perpendicular to the highway, I ran up the steep bank off the road, propelled by the force of the collision.
Somehow I managed not to turn the truck over, to steer it along this steep bank, even to avoid the pole sticking up out of the bank that was right in my way, and to get it back onto the road.

(In all the trauma and disaster feeling of the whole experience, I can't help but feel a certain admiration for how I handled the vehicle: I don't know how I did it, but it certainly made the best possible out of the situation.)

Of course, I was so worried about the bees, and shocked and traumatized and horrified, and full of recriminations at having had it happen. But only one of the ten bee packages was ruptured (and the bees just clustered around the queen on the outside, as they do). They were a little disturbed, what with the whole truck bed having been canted right and all the glass on the left of the canopy being shattered, but I fed them some honey water and snugged a tarp around them, and they were fine. It turned out that the other car had a lot of bodywork damage on the front driver's side: it looked really bad! But he wasn't hurt, and was really nice about it. We waited for two hours out there in the snow, talking to the trooper who finally arrived and getting everything sorted out. Phil and his daughter's fiance drove  up and brought me and the truck home: Phil called me not ten minutes after it happened, waking up suddenly anxious about me. What a blessing to be supported like that, and I was shaken enough to be glad not to drive more. 

Tearstained Blessings

Not surprisingly after that, on top of mercury removals and lack of sleep, my fatigue reaches a whole new level. It's hours  since I last cried about it, but I still look like I've been crying! I was taking a big risk, and taking on a responsibility, and it ended in tears. The message that I am not 'up to' pulling off something 'over and above' like that at the moment was so painful to me: the idea that I can't take on responsibilities… It's a notorious stretch of road: averages 50 accidents every winter. Was it nemesis for my hubris?

But really, horrible though it was, I have to look at the blessings. No one was hurt. The bees were fine, and they didn't get too cold with all the waiting around either, as I was worrying they would. Damage to both vehicles was extensive, but involved bodywork and not vital engine parts.
My sweet, wonderful husband came to my rescue, and was so helpful throughout the day getting me to my appointments and helping get the bees to their owners. And down in Homer, it was a gorgeous, sunny day! It seemed almost other-worldly to relate that I'd gotten in an accident in a blizzard that morning.

(Update Today)

Today, just got through hiving the bees. They have the runs! I've never been shat on by bees so much before. I hope they'll be ok - not surprising that they have travelers' diarrhea after such a traumatic journey but hopefully they'll be ok now that they have a good home. Beautifully sunny here again today.
I'm toast and we have to be somewhere else. Soon more.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Crazy All-Nighter and Product Review From the Road - Personal Water Filter


What am I Thinking?

Greetings from Anchorage! The springtime weather pattern, whereby the vibration that one normally associates with noon finally kicks in around 6 or 7pm, seems to be coming into operation, with the back-kick that it is getting so light in the mornings that it's hard not to wake all the way up around 5am with that exciting feeling of the sap rising. 

Fatigue still keeps my life-experience fascinatingly psychedelic and occasionally fugal, and what am I thinking driving through the night tonight? The beekeeper who picked up the huge shipment of colonies for beekeepers all over south-central Alaska has had one boondoggle after another down on the West Coast, and will finally make it up from Portland at midnight tonight (instead of yesterday). So, since I'd already come up to town, I said I'd hang around and pick up the bees for our end of the highway tonight. Have a mercury removal to get back for tomorrow morning.

What am I thinking? I'm thinking raw cacao, peppermint, guarana/kola nut capsules, bee pollen, and possibly even resorting to some green tea! My adrenals can't really afford it at the moment: that kind of 'jump start' is short-lived in its effect these days, and I pay back with interest. But I will need to be alert for those moose in the dark, who think that they can barge into anything with impunity owing to their bulk.

Personal Water Filter

The other thing I'm thinking is a nap if at all possible this evening, and lots of water. And that's one of the things I was thinking about when I mentioned products that, despite their being 'stuff,' feel somewhat life-enhancing to me. We're active and we move around a lot, go out in town and also out in the wilderness. I've been wanting a portable water filter for both those purposes, because I really cannot drink the chlorinated water that comes out of those ubiquitous drinking fountains - but if I had a way to filter it, then I wouldn't be having to carry gallons of water around. There have been a few times both in town and in wilderness that I've been caught with inadequate water and really suffered for it.

After doing a lot of research, I ended up buying the Sport Berkey personal filter through Amazon. Back in Hawaii, where most folks were on catchment water (with risk of leptospirosis, giardia and possibly worse), the Big Berkey was the filter of choice, so I knew that this was a good name. It claims to be good for about 640 uses on city water and about 150 uses with wilderness water.

Sport Berkey Portable Water Purifier

Since receiving it, I've been better hydrated when out and about! The filter doesn't add a lot of weight to the bottle (which is sometimes a problem) and although it doesn't produce the most delicious water I've ever tasted, it's definitely drinkable and doesn't taste of chlorine. The bottle doesn't hold an enormous amount, so I imagine that in the wilderness I'd carry a half-gallon water pouch for untreated water and pour in as necessary. 

My one concern is with the bottle itself. Generally, I avoid plastic as much as the next health-conscious person (within the limitations of being on the go in situations where broken glass would be inconvenient). This bottle is a plastic that is soft enough to be squeezable. I don't detect any plastic taste; however, I wonder whether my recollecting of the stainless steel Big Berkey as an imperative to trust that they know what they're doing is misleading.

Another thing that I should say is that the functionality is a matter of taste. You flip up the top (which doesn't leak) and a funny little wiggly drinking straw pops up at you, which connects to the filter. You suck through this and up comes your water. I like this just fine, it works great for me. But I had Phil try it and he didn't like it - said it was too slow for him. I'm a sipper, he's a gulper, so the value to you of my recommendation may rest somewhat on whether or not you fall into the same category as I do! 

Yes, I am grateful for this...

Monday, April 19, 2010

The View From Here/Up For This Week + 'Eighty Percent Raw'



The View From Here

This morning it is bright sunshine, calm, sky blue ocean, the peaks of the mountains across the bay clearly visible above the scarf of cloud pinned to their shoulders. Yesterday the ocean was iron-gray, reflecting a rain-filled sky for much of the day, whitecaps and cats' paws all day long. 

Yesterday, too, I finally planted out those carrots (as well as one errant lentil sprout that had fallen in with them and now surpasses all). It may well snow again and will surely freeze, but in the raised bed at least, the ground is not frozen and carrots are quite hardy. Unfortunately, this morning has also shown a small black rabbit who will be quite happy to eat down all those little carrot tops if the bears don't come and dig up the whole bed to get to the fish carcasses underneath first! Phil has spent some time walking around with the .22.

Up For This Week

After my flurry of activity and new-found energy on Saturday, yesterday I was more zombie-like than ever and aside from planting carrots and starting a new translation project, spent much of the day, perforce, prostrate. So, energy conservation must be a key watchword. 

That said, the main thing on the horizon this week is that I'm going to drive up to Anchorage by myself tomorrow, for a medical appointment on Wednesday and also to pick up Bees! I'll be collecting two colonies for myself and others for probably half a dozen other people who live down here on the Kenai Peninsula, delivering them Wednesday afternoon/evening and then having another Mercury removal on Thursday morning.

Sounds like a lot of excitement. I don't know how much time I'll get to write in here, and am aware that I didn't write the product reviews I promised last week. I'll try to make up for that, and I expect that I'll feel compelled to write about the whole bee adventure that I've undertaken. It's been a little over a year since I was last among the bees, back in Hawaii, and I have missed them. On the other hand, I know that keeping bees up here is a whole different proposition. So, more on that later. 

I've never driven to and from Anchorage alone before, although I did drive the whole way one time when Phil was sick. It's 250 miles of varied beauty and amazing seasonal variation, and I'm glad that the days are long enough now to reduce the likelihood of me being surprised by a moose barging out in front of me. They really do that! It seems like they are so big that they just assume that everything else will get out of their way - and the ones who learn differently don't survive to pass the message on to the rest! As Phil says, they are not evolved to coexist with highways!

I also really hope to get in a Wordstalk, and probably some food talk too. I know, I'll share the recipe for my alternate fudge that I expect to sustain me in my journey tomorrow.

Eighty Percent Raw

One more thing:  please check out Eighty Percent Raw Magazine's new and very user-friendly look. There is now a single unified blog to which all the writers contribute - I have the honor of the first post on it! I wrote the first of a two part series about the 80-10-10 diet and how to make it work for you. The second post will be about some of the pitfalls of the diet, from my experience practicing it for several years and watching others do so.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

'Wow! Imagine how much weight I would have lost if my thyroid was normal' versus 'I don't want to waste my life.'


'Wow! Imagine how much weight I would have lost if my thyroid was normal!' Really. That was the first thing I could think of when the latest blood draw showed that, despite my taking replacement hormone for the past four months, my T3 levels have dropped again and are now close to 70 points off the bottom of the charts. I've only been losing weight anyway because I've been sick - and since I've been too fatigued to exercise much, inevitably some of it has been erosion of that hard-won muscle mass that's always been so for me difficult to build.

And yet the thought is so seductive - if my thyroid was right, I could be ten pounds lighter still. I'm annoyed that I thought this in the first place, but even more frustrated that the thought has such a fascinating hold, that a big part of me really does seem to think it. Thyroid is messed up in the first place because I starved myself so much, and now all I can think about is starving some more.

I'm sure some would say 'just change channel, refocus, get over it,' but the hold of this particular demon has a tenacity that doesn't admit such a simple release. And as I enjoy the comfortingly familiar feeling of my exposed bones, over my other shoulder the naturopath is saying that part of getting everything that is out of whack back into whack will have to include putting some lean muscle - yes, and fat too - i.e. weight - back onto my whittled form.

It's not 'in one ear and out the other:' it's more as though one ear can hear this and accept it as sensible, while the other is like some diabolical echo chamber and hears it as a sentence of doom.

On the other hand (we've got quite the bilateral bipolar two-by-two body parts going here!) the naturopath expressed some surprise that I even came back to him: he'd half expected me to turn tail when he initially said all that about needing to quit cleansing and purging and rebuild instead. I heard myself saying in response 'but I don't want to waste my life!'

Part of me feels like I already have, at times. But I'm only just 33, and if I can get out of this cycle of clawing back some strength and groundedness and then crucifying myself on it, crashing a little lower every time, then there is so much time left and so much to do! It's ironic - all those years I longed to die, and now have so much awareness of valuable aspects of life, not to mention enjoyment, but a limping thyroid makes the zombie impression very easy to accomplish!

Especially with Phil's love and support, I have so much to play for right now. And I'm gradually positioning myself as writer/translator/editor, showing my poetry to more people, getting uniformly positive feedback… Phil is waiting for me to be in shape to join him in more arduous adventures in the great outdoors! I suspect that my 'outdoors' will never be quite as 'great' as his - partly because it's hubris to imagine (as I did once) that I could ever possibly have the level of strength and stamina to go as far as he does (as he's often told me: _no one_ goes as far as him): but partly, too, because my inward horizons are so rich and engaging that there is much to keep me in those closer waters. Nonetheless, one of the things that brings us together is a shared delight in explorations, both inner and outer, and if I occasionally play Beatrix to him in explorations of inward matters, he is undoubtedly the most accomplished, doughty and fun outdoor adventure partner that anyone could possibly wish for (as long as I don't try to keep up with him!)

I started a different thyroid hormone from the naturopath today, and already seem to be feeling a little less draggy - made mead, made bread, ground breadcrumbs, made two kinds of pesto, cleaned the water filter, did a _ton_ of translation, wrote, talked to my mom (who said 'if your energy is better, for goodness sake conserve some of it!) lol…

Friday, April 16, 2010

Greenhouse Workshop Notes


I promised a post about last weekend's Greenhouse Gardening Course this week, and here it is. Because of the way time has been this week, I have written it from memory, but I have three pages of notes (and if you know my handwriting, you know that's a lot) as well as a sheaf of handouts to go back over. It is my full intention to do this soon, so it's likely that this post will be edited somewhat in due course.

The most important lesson from the Greenhouse Gardening Course was the importance of Management when you are running a greenhouse. Prof Vandre described a continuum from growing plants outside to growing them hydroponically, and placed greenhouse plants somewhere closer to hydroponics than I might have guessed. So many aspects of the environment need to be kept in balance, and this doesn't happen automatically in the enclosed situation. 

The Big Issues

So, before we even started thinking about common pest issues or what type of glazing material is the most weatherproof for the least outlay, we had to confront the basic issues of gas exchange, humidity, light and soil balance. Plants need carbon dioxide in order to photosynthesize, and oxygen in order to respire. There is enough atmospheric CO2 and O2 outside for them to do this, but once enclosed, adequate ventilation is crucial to ensure that these processes can take place. We were shown examples of ventilation systems that didn't cut it, as well as some better-designed ones: a lot more venting per square foot is necessary than one might think. Some large commercial greenhouses even have propane-fueled CO2 generators.

Atmospheric humidity and soil moisture are key management issues also. The most common follar fungal disease, Pythium, can only take hold if the leaves have a layer of condensation on them for a period of five hours or more. Inadequate ventilation and poorly drained soil can lead to overly rapid evaporation of soil moisture in the daytime, and then as temperatures drop toward evening this moisture will condense and coat the leaves in this undesirable way for the whole night. One point that might at first seem counterintuitive but actually makes good sense was that on a cloudy and rainy day, ventilation to the outside will still help to dehumidify the greenhouse: because it is warmer inside the greenhouse. Even if the air from the outside is moist, its relatively lower temperature will help to dry the air inside. To offset the cooling effect of outside air, as well as to avoid having too sharp a drop in temperature at night, the use of simple heat sinks was recommended, such as gallon jugs of water, that would absorb heat during the day and then release it into the greenhouse as temperatures drop.

Nowadays, there are many materials that have very good light-permeability whilst being UV resistant: but we learned that we needn't fixate on trying to get 100% light penetration. 60% is usually plenty. We discussed how to design the greenhouse so that the maximum surface area would be getting the sun as close to 90 degrees as possible for maximal effect. However, the importance of reflecting as much light as possible within the greenhouse was emphasized. All wooden surfaces should be painted white (latex paint is fine). Some people use aluminum foil or mirrors to bounce the light around within the greenhouse and thus maximize its availability.


For a balanced growing medium, Prof Vandre recommended 1 part porous material (like river sand or perlite (although the latter is so light that it tends to rise to the surface, and the general attrition of gravity means that you really want your drainage material at the bottom)), 1 part  organic material and 1 part topsoil. He suggested retesting the soil and replacing spent nutrients at the end of each growing season, as well as checking that its porosity was still balanced, but emphasized that the soil itself doesn't 'wear out.' (I found this a little surprising, but if my method of replenishing the spent nutrients was going to be adding organic materials (one of the 'three parts' composing the soil medium), it seems like that could be viewed as replacing the soil. I guess it's a matter of definition.)

Various different irrigation systems were discussed: there are many that do not work! Drip irrigation is simple, inexpensive and effective. We also went into some detail about calculating the hydration needs.

Beyond the Basics

We looked at high-input, engineered strategies used in commercial greenhouses, had a show-and-tell of the most useful gadgets for a greenhouse manager (including a pH meter, and a light meter, whose unit of measurement is the delightful 'foot candle') and were shown a simple and straightforward test to measure soil porosity. 

Many rules of thumb were gone over, as well as more complex algorithms for fine tuning these various axes of balance.

Main Take-Home Messages

The overarching message came through that providing one follows good management practices, the pest and disease problems notoriously associated with greenhouses should not arise: if they do, diagnosis is the key, and this includes diagnosis of which management area needs attention. 

But the secondary message that really hit home for me was that plants grown in a greenhouse are much more tender than plants grown outside. They often only have a single outer layer of cells on their laminal surfaces. This leaves them much more vulnerable to sucking insects like aphids, to whom a greenhouse provides such a wonderfully hospitable environment anyway. 

There's something about this that I find unappealing. I'm sure tender plants are delicious, but in my gut, I feel equally sure that plants grown outside, especially a relatively clean 'outside' like we have, are going to be richer in nutrients and character! 

Why Do This Anyway?

There are two main reasons why people choose to have a greenhouse. One is to grow plants that otherwise could not grow at all up here; the second is to extend the short growing season - to add a little time at each end. The main targets for 'reason one' are tomatoes and cucumbers, for a big surprise, with peppers a close third. I'd love to grow some tomatoes, but I know that I don't prefer hothouse tomatoes. I know cucumbers are so good for you, but I don't especially care for them and nor does Phil. Everyone who knows me knows how much I love spicy peppers, but bell peppers make me sick and so do underripe spicy ones, which might be the best we could get here. For all the additional effort and management required to maintain a higher ambient temperature for those kinds of plants, I might be happier drying excess tomatoes from Phil's parents' farm in Oregon, where some years they grow like a riot, and having a supply of dried tomatoes that were grown in the hot, dry climate they prefer. Dried ripe hot peppers are also easily and cheaply available.

Perhaps it's unadventurous, but I am more drawn to growing plants that at least have a chance of doing well outside here. And it's only my second springtime here, but I know what a plethora of wonderful wild greens there will be about six weeks from now, and I want to make sure that I have some time to forage for those as well. Thus, I'd be more of a candidate for the lowest-possible-tech greenhouse that is purely designed to extend the season, not to make possible what would otherwise be impossible. Prof Vandre said that generally, homes make a poor substitute for greenhouses for seedlings at the beginning of the season because they are generally too warm and the light sources are too far from the plants. Our cabin tends to be chilly, and we've maneuvered lights right over the seedlings, so aside from space constraints, our home is probably better than most!

I asked specifically about a halfway-house kind of situation like having a movable polycarbonate cover that one could put over a raised bed early and late in the season, and was assured that this could work well, although whilst in use it would mandate similar managerial vigilance to a full-sized greenhouse. Another participant in the class told me of a system like this that he's been using successfully involving electrical conduits plugged into pieces of rebar with polypropylene stretched over - cheap and effective. 

With everything else that's going on at the moment, I'm thinking that for myself, this halfway-house is the approach that I'm most likely to think about. On the basis of the class, I see that greenhouse gardening is an intensive labor of love the fruits of which might not be things that I value most of all. However, some of our other family members up here are interested in a greenhouse too, and I would love to share all the informative handouts and stories that I learned with them and to help out on a regular basis if they do choose to have a greenhouse this year. 

The seedlings that we have started at the moment are: celery, basil, lavender, carrots, leeks, cauliflower, mache, radicchio, chives, spinach, dill, parsley, holy basil and maca. I'm going to start beets, peas and another rotation of greens and herbs pretty soon. We'll probably plant potatoes directly first week in June again also. I'm so excited about the maca!

These are all plants that can grow outside here in a decent year (with the possible exception of basil).

This year, I intend to consolidate my knowledge of how these kinds of plants do and use technologies like those cold covers and the raised beds we've been working on to extend their season somewhat (weather permitting!) whilst continuing to do some of the wild-crafted seed-sowing that we did last year and that both of us have always done (like gathering watermelon berries in August/September and sowing their seeds on bare patches for great greens in spring and berries in late summer, or sowing chocolate lily bulbs). Living as close to the bluff as we do, with the erosion situation as critical as it is, we also need to bear in mind the structural hazards of any situation involving a lot of water draining off, so we'll need to be very careful with that.

I hope that this is somewhat interesting and helpful to somebody!
Yesterday we had gorgeous blue skies and sunshine, the seedlings were outside all day. Today, it has been snowing (shading into sleet in lower areas) all day.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Impromptu Photo Post

Beautiful sunshine here today! So many promises for this week still outstanding, and here I am with something totally different.

Our friend Chuck came to visit and spent the night, and we found a camera someone had given Phil, and got it to work! It's very frustrating because you can only take 12 photos before the memory is full, and it has a habit of turning itself off right when you've gotten your shot lined up, but I have a few pics to share nonetheless!

Here are Phil and Chuck being silly and brotherly:




You can see how bright a day it was from the reflection in the mirror behind them. Bright, but windy, and the wind blew my hair into funny patterns out on the bluff:



We have a 60ft high dead spruce tree that we like to climb up and sit on the top of. It's a favorite perch for our friends the eagles too - a wonderful view from up there:




Eagles always look so haughty...

Finally, from the sky to the ground, I wanted to show one of our rhubarb plants beginning to grow. I'm not sure how well it comes out, but I'd love to track this over the next few weeks: these are tiny little crinkled leaves level with the ground: in May the growth rate of these plants is just astounding.




If you look closely, you can see the little pink leaves all crinkled up. Exciting harbingers of growth!

So, provided I only take 12 at a time, I can take pictures again! It was so bright outside that we couldn't see what we'd taken to decide! We laughed a lot.

More mercury out yesterday - an intense process. More words from me soon too. Love and sunshine.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The View From Here/Up For This Week



The View From Here


Happy Monday, everyone! The moon is waning and the tides are getting big again. They were insignificant enough last week that Phil was able to harvest several hundred pounds of seaweed to line our raised beds. I dragged out of the freezer some fish scraps that I'd saved last summer, and some freezer-burned fish, and the idea is that we put those in the bottom of the bed, then a layer of seaweed, then hopefully some composted manure and then some topsoil. Hopefully the bears will stay asleep a little longer!

I spent the weekend at a class on Greenhouse Gardening in Alaska. It was a _ton_ of very interesting information, and I've promised enough people that I'll share some of what I learned that I'll probably post a blog about it this week. So, having talked about greenhouse pests, etc, I got home last night (and it's light until almost 10pm now, so 7pm doesn't feel quite like 'night' anymore) and was looking at all our little seedlings all over the place… And then I looked at the window and saw the most enormous aphid either of us had ever seen crawling up! Phil looked around and spotted another, headed ominously for the basil seedlings. So we captured both of them and looked at them through the binoculars backwards to confirm that they were indeed monstrous aphids. I looked at the jar full of willow cuttings we'd taken from a willow that had landed on the beach in one of the winter storm landslides, that have been budding, rooting, leafing out and looking so cheerful, and they were infested with those aphids! Must have had eggs on them when we brought them in. Hmmm. We think the willows ought to go outside for a while! 

And this right after we'd talked in class about parthenogenesis and the rampant reproductive capabilities of aphids. 'Breed like rabbits' nothing! The expression should be 'breed like aphids!'

Up For This Week

It's going to be a busy week! I have some important decisions to make regarding work/writing/school, might take another class this week, have an article to finish, we have a friend coming to stay today, I'm having more mercury removals on Wednesday… And today I'm hoping for some downtime but clamoring for some writing time too! 

I have been feeling so tired, it's as if I'm too tired to breathe. It's an interesting way to look out at the world. There is still plenty of beauty to appreciate and so much to be glad of!

I will write a blog about the whole greenhouse question: I think that it's interesting whether or not you live in Alaska - what I learned was by no means solely Alaska-specific. 

This week, I'm also planning to do a couple of product reviews for items that I appreciate owning in my life. I have some uneasiness about owning 'stuff,' but have also come to recognize that it can be a valid part of abundance, that there are certain things that can make life not just easier but also 'better' all round. I am paying attention to my thoughts around abundance at this time, in the knowledge that there is such a constant risk of falling into scarcity mentality that I need to build the feeling of abundance in my heart and mind to guard against that. I wrote a blog for 'Eighty Percent Raw' on this very subject - take a look if you like!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

No-Sugar Energy Bars: Summary, Collected Links and Specific Comments

No-Sugar Energy Bars - Summary, Collected Links and Specific Comments

How's everyone doing with this end-of-week? I hope I haven't been too much of a downer this week - it's been a tough one! 

I had my first two mercury fillings out on Friday: the dentist was awesome and I feel very good about it, but obviously it's a pretty exhausting thing to go through, and then I tweaked my vitamin C IV at the naturopath's and it hurt more than it needed to… It's quite an adventure!

Today, I wanted to provide a post with links to all the posts that I've made about no-sugar energy bars, so that you could get at all of them in one go. I also wanted to make a few specific comments about ingredients.

The naturopath has told me that I should be eating 1/2 a cup of coconut oil a day!!! I know he's right, especially in the heavy-metals-detoxing situation, but it's hard for me to do. So I'm probably going to be trying to eat more of the 'fudge' (the recipe for which I'll link here too: I made my second batch of it with mostly coconut oil and just a little cacao butter instead of equal amounts of each) instead of energy bars.

Here are all the links, then:
Part 1 Preliminary
Part 2 Palette of Ingredients - first recipe
Part 3 Intermission - 'Palate' Considerations
Part 4 - My Magic Ingredient - recipe
Part 5 - My Special Technique


And here are a few specific thoughts about ingredients and techniques:
Remember - basic ingredients are nuts and seeds (including shredded coconut), 'chia sweet,' coconut oil and sometimes cacao butter, protein powders and nut milk pulps, superfoods, spices, high quality salt.

When you use hemp protein/fiber powder in a recipe, you will want to use more spice than usual: for some reason, this ingredient can create a very bland-tasting end product if you don't up the spices. The same goes for flaxseed or if you happen to use psyllium - but it seems to go for the hemp more than anything else. 

I'm not sure why this is, since if you use whole hemp seeds you have to be careful the opposite way: they have such a strong flavor, you have to balance it carefully. Coconut complements that hemp flavor very well, and lemon zest, cayenne and cinnamon are ok, but cardamom and rose water and mint - some of my very favorites - don't go well with hemp.

Nut milk pulp is a great ingredient for extending, and making things that are not too rich. Make sure it's fully dry before you use it in an energy bar. You can crumble it with your hands to make sure it's not too clumped: it's not really necessary to sift or vitamix it for this purpose so long as you mix it in well.

Play with the thickness of the 'chia sweet:' generally, thick is good (remember, it's replacing honey/agave/date paste-type textures). Also, if the liquid part of the chia gel includes a flavoring (like an herbal tea) besides the stevia, make sure that it's a strong infusion to ensure that the flavor comes out.

Pressing is a very good technique for enhancing the texture of the bar. But unless you keep them in the freezer, my bottom line is that it's probably advantageous to dry them a little if you need them to last for a long time, take them camping, etc.

Have fun and enjoy!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Wordstalks 5: Prayer, 'Beyond Love,' Self Pity and Crying in the Wilderness


In addition to the creative stall that I've experienced this week as a result of feeling lousy, I've also been going through a bit of a pity party, I guess. I have been talking about some intense, life-purpose-determining questions on this blog - and then, inevitably, perhaps, have been assailed with 'nobody's reading this' kinds of thoughts, a feeling of crying in the wilderness. Meanwhile, I feel increasingly alienated from what's immediately around me. I'm at home with brilliant sunshine; Phil has left for a hike with our neighbors at 20 minutes' notice. I had plans for this afternoon already (including writing a blog post and many other things too) but the 20 minutes' notice leading to a bolted-down lunch (which I can't do, nor do I have the energy for that long hike either) really throws me for a loop - and I'm right out of their loop.

(Whilst I was writing that at home, there was a big earthquake: the whole cabin shook! Now, out and about on my errands, I learned that it was a 3.99-level quake!)

I was looking at my 'pity party' emotions and realizing that my questions to the universe that have so far gone unanswered (blog posts unread, etc) were my prayers and calls for help and attention. My immediate thought was that my prayer should be to give to others, not that others should give to me. I love St Francis' prayer, in which he asks to be a channel of God's peace, to be understanding, loving, consoling rather than seeking to be on the receiving end of these. And truthfully and sincerely, that is my deepest prayer too. I have been through so much, and continue to do so, that my only reasonable prayer can be that it should be of help to others in some ways.

Prayer

That got me to thinking about the word 'prayer,' and how precise and yet imprecise it is. The English word 'prayer' comes from the Latin adjective precarius via Old French. That adjective means something like 'obtained by entreaty.' In other words, 'getting something as a result of asking for it.' It is fascinating how language replicates metaphors at different stages of its history: an echo of the modern idiom 'they don't have a prayer' can be seen in the adjective 'precarious,' derived from the same Latin adjective, which means 'insecure,' 'subject to chance,' 'risky.'

For my current feeling of emptiness and desire to be filled, that very parallelism ought to underscore the uncertainty of getting what one asks for! A prayer, in other words, is precarious by its very nature. And what of the paradox of praying, with St Francis, to 'get' to be allowed to give? Praying to obtain the gift of giving - that sounds complex enough to be my kind of mentation… 

'Beyond Love'

Along these lines, it seems appropriate to give a brief book report. I just read Dominique LaPierre's 'Beyond Love,' a very skillfully written piece of creative nonfiction that tells the story of the discovery of AIDS, the recognition of its gravity, the horrendous suffering of the early victims, the heartbreakingly rapid spread, the efforts of the scientists to get the problem recognized and get something done about it, the regrettable human traits that tarnished scientific inquiry at many stages of the process. 

There are several storylines and key characters who are followed in brief, alternating chapters - an addictive combination. I've been rather parsimonious with my recreational reading time of late because I've had such a stack of other sedentary duties, but I read this book while I was cooking, it went with me to the outhouse, while I was stretching… - in short, it's the first book that I've read 'addictively' in some time.

I suspect that LaPierre himself is a man who prays, although very little of his own persona is allowed to emerge from the fruits of his investigations. But perhaps it is because of this that I was repeatedly struck by the crucial role of prayer throughout, not just at the victims' bedsides, not just in the 'mother Teresa' sections, but in the research laboratories. If you wanted to believe in some sort of divine orchestration, or guidance, the last-minute recollections, dream-like discoveries, serendipitous availabilities, chains of connection between people described in this story could all help you to believe that.

Prayer Again

And that in itself is  soothing to me in my current anguish. It reminds me that it is human to ask for things, to obtain by entreaty. There is a creative vibration that sets up when we ask for something. We speak it into existence, and thereafter it is present and waiting to materialize - except when it does so instantly. 

My experience in recent years has been that people really do get what they ask for, my own self included: but it is important to be very clear and careful about what you are asking for! I have often asked for one thing whilst all of my vibration was really asking for another, muddying the waters and negating my request. Or sometimes I've gotten what I asked for 'to the letter,' only to recognize that that wasn't really what I meant. 

Prayer Plant

One final and tangential thought about prayer - and here I wish that our camera hadn't broken, because a photograph would be ideal - is the Prayer Plant - maranta leuconeura. Here's a picture I found online. It's native to Brazil, so 'native to indoors up here' ('house plant' is such a funny concept). I was given one for my birthday and it has been making these cute little lilac-colored flowers, but mostly it's a foliage plant, with variegated leaves, bright-and-pale on the top and purple on the underside, with prominent veins. It's called Prayer Plant 'because' the leaves lay open in the daytime and curl up and stand up straight at night. (I wonder what the poor guy will do when we have daylight all night here in a couple months from now??!) The 'because' in that standard explanation really leaves me with more questions. Are the furled, erect leaves supposed to bring to mind hands held together in prayer in the evening? And if so, what does the daytime habit of open leaves imply about what our hands do in the daytime? 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Mercury Retro and Another Raw-Foodie Here in Homer!

...and he's the dentist who's going to help me toward health by removing the mercury from my mouth, we hope!

I met him yesterday and he seems like a super-sincere, really neat guy. His dental practice is in his home. Yesterday it was snowing quite hard all morning, and in his warm, beautiful home there were trays of vibrant, happy-looking wheatgrass and sunflower sprouts saluting from the kitchen, and many plants and soothing water sounds. But the most eyecatching and astonishing thing, which I could barely look away from as I sat in the big chair, was an enormous vine trellis at the window of the mezzanine just above - cucumbers! They were rampant with yellow flowers and there were several little fruits on there. Such a contrast to the snow just outside the window.

We soon discovered each other's raw food predilections, and even outside of the dental work I'm so much in need of, I am so glad to have made his acquaintance!

The dental work is a lot, though - I have nine mercury fillings and some of them are very big, very old, very hard to reach. We're going to do the easiest two this coming Friday, and I'll see the naturopath again later in the day and get a vitamin C iv to help flush stuff out.

My energy is really low this week and I'm not feeling well at all. I'm looking forward to writing more in here as I'm able: there is so much that I want to write and it's the first time in weeks that my energy levels have been affecting the interface between will-to-create and creation so much.

Loves to everyone: does anyone out there have mercury removal stories to share? I'd love to hear them.

Monday, April 5, 2010

The View From Here/Up For This Week


The View From Here/ Up For This Week

We've gotten a little ahead of ourselves! We spent some of yesterday morning building raised beds and thinking optimistically about planting out some of the seedlings that we planted rather prematurely, maybe even sowing clover seed all over the ground too… And this morning there were three inches of snow on the ground (it snowed like crazy yesterday evening) - every branch and every limb and every bough gilded and filigreed with a crust of fresh snow. 

So yes, the naturopath was right: it's not really spring yet! But - after a slow dawn of monochrome, the sun is bright now, the colors have seeped back into the world, gusts of wind have swept the crusting off from all the surfaces. Every time the snow melts, the temperature warms up some more and the thaws are more rapid. And our rhubarb is budding up from the ground, grass is poking through the snow in places. Phil found nettles growing beyond the sprout stage buried in our pile of topsoil (food for thought: we love nettles but don't want them in our raised beds)!

I think I mentioned somewhere earlier my insight of last summer that living somewhere with as extreme a climate as this would be kind of like traveling without going anywhere because the place itself changes so much around the year. Right now I am experiencing this really intensely. Virtually every day, it seems, we awaken to a new place - sometimes several 'places' within one day.

But meanwhile, nothing gets planted out today! I was telling my dad on the phone yesterday (in response to his surprised query: 'Do you have room for plants indoors?') that at the moment, our cabin resembles a cross between tic-tac-toe and one of those puzzles where you have to slide the tiles around to put the picture together: in order to move at all, we have to pick something up and move it over something, or slide it around something else!

A lentil sprout dropped into the tray of carrot plants and is tall and proud: the carrots are an army of prayerful faithful, arms upstretched toward the ever-increasing light, begging 'outside!'


Up For This Week

Up for this week - there will be another 'Wordstalk' and word-related stuff. I will do one last wrap-up post on the no-sugar treats, although maybe I shouldn't call it 'last' as there is always going to be more to say about it. Like a little recipe book in installments.

I wrote my post on Eating Disorder Recovery Physical Aftermaths off-the-cuff on Saturday and will start by posting a few additional thoughts. It was very intense and poignant for me to write that, and I am feeling some angst and questing feelings about what my duty is regarding this whole issue. The story just never ends: I have thought myself 'completely recovered' several times and it keeps coming back at me. I wonder if it will be easier once all the physical issues are better. But I wish I could have a clearer view of my life purpose, of how to help others not to suffer as I have.

Last week I found myself tremendously inspired by the naturopath and also by a poet-as-performing artist: both are paths that I could imagine wanting to take in order to help others through being my best. I have been a performing artist in an earlier period of my life and also have spent significant time training as a healer. Writing poetry - and performing it aloud - may be what I love to do most of all: but I love the idea of doing healing work too. Here are some more answers to my question 'Why do I want my strength back?'

At the moment, though, I have to rebuild my energy and face up to the fact that whilst I have felt strong and sure that I want to heal and recover, I'm encountering serious blocks and resistance to the idea that gaining weight could be any part of that. Cleansing and purging felt fine and safe as healing work: the naturopath emphasized and re-emphasized building and re-building, and said I'm too thin. (No I'm not!) So, more on that later this week.

Hey - this is Post Number 50 for this blog! Who-hoo!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Eating Disorder Recovery - Some Physical Aftermaths

Fulfilling a Promise

It's almost the end of the week and I promised a post on 'Eating Disorder Recovery' this week. I don't even know if I'll get online tomorrow, and am running out of time today, so in order to keep my promise to myself and to you, here goes! This will be a 'live capture,' as opposed to my usual 'prepared at home first' posts, so let's see what we find.

Since I am still processing the information that I was given about my general physical condition by the naturopath yesterday (as I talk about a bit in my Eighty Percent Raw blog), I will follow the flow and write about some physical aftermaths. Of course, the emotional onslaught is the bigger piece, the shadow self, the black-hole negation of self constantly waiting to swallow me up - and maybe writing about the physical stuff will give me the courage to talk about that soon.

Finding the Blessing in the Situation

Let me start by saying that I sincerely believe that my experience is a blessing. I am still alive, and very thankful for the kind of life that I get to live, and get to go to beautiful places, connect with wonderful people and other beings and do amazing things. Since I did not die, as I might well have (during the course of my illness I had incipient kidney failure at one point, extremely low heart rate and blood pressure for extended periods several times, drove my car on the freeway in that kind of condition on the verge of blacking out, attempted suicide, sliced the top of my finger off tamping a blender and lost a lot of blood...) it is at least pleasant to think that there is a reason why I am still here, or that I can create a reason, can be of some kind of service.

Getting Real - Predispositions

So much for internal background. For some external background, I am going to paraphrase something the naturopath said to me yesterday. He said that in general, my constitution is predisposed to conditions of deficiency as opposed to excess. The eating disorder synergizes with that tendency in a negative way, and he said that my fascination with very restrictive diets, cleansing, fasting, etc, as I heal residual physical issues, holds the danger of perpetuating the deficient/anorexic mind-and-body-set. This made a lot of sense to me. I embraced 'Natural Hygiene' for several years, which makes a rigid distinction between food and medicine (which I don't actually believe in) and eschews any kind of medical intervention except for fasting, insisting that the body just heal itself. It seemed like a beautiful ideal - but one of my great loves from childhood up had been playing my 'witch' persona and teasing power out of herbs and spices. It was with some sadness that I recognized that putting cinnamon on my bananas had become a guilty pleasure.

On the other hand, trying 'anything goes' was a nightmare for me - I felt physically out of control and crazy, and had wrenchingly painful cravings, whilst my compulsion to restrict came back against those stronger than ever and my body image deteriorated rapidly again...

Although it's true that when your internal system is in disarray, you develop allergies to everything very rapidly, I really believe that the quality of food that you eat makes an enormous difference to the success of your recovery. Processed foods and simple sugars are so deeply irritating on so many levels. I knew that I was finally getting real when I was able to admit that I could feel simple sugars making my skin crawl, even from raw honey and organic fruit, both of which I loved and venerated. Processed foods at best give me a stomach ache and at worst, make me psychotic. I have to agree with Courtney Pool here: emotions and attitude are extremely important, but what food you put in really does matter!
 
Sadly, years of self-starvation and obstinacy made simple sugars seem extremely attractive because everything else is so much more challenging to digest. I wish now that I'd been willing to take enzymes and supplements back then, and to consume more green foods, nuts and seeds, and generally to remineralize.

Minerals and Heavy Metals

Minerals are a huge issue in physical recovery from anorexia, especially given prevalence of environmental toxins. Your body will use what's available - and so, my calcium-starved body is full of lead! There is also a mercury overload - I wasn't getting enough zinc, and so my body incorporated mercury instead.

Mercury makes your lower digestive tract more alkaline. Now, alkaline blood is desirable, but when combined with insufficient stomach acid, bile and pancreatic enzymes that fail to kill them off, an alkaline condition in the gut (as opposed to the blood) equates to a more hospitable environment for yeastie beasties.

Heavy Metals and Yeastie Beasties

Mercury and yeasties combined wreak havoc. In fact, they can mimic so many different symptoms, sometimes manifesting opposite conditions (constipation vs. diarrhea, overweight vs. underweight) in different bodily constitutions, that mainstream doctors really don't like to take them into account much: they are hard to pin down.

Yeasties crowd out the good bacteria that are responsible for synthesizing and absorbing vitamin B12 in the colon, and then eat any B12 that is present themselves, and when B12  supplies get run down there are all kinds of neurological impairments that follow.

Mercury interferes with the conversion process whereby the thyroid hormone T4 is converted into its active form T3. Low T3 can heighten the malabsorption of the yeast condition, leading to all kinds of weakness, fatigue, indigestion and other debility. I am currently taking replacement T3 hormone, and the naturopath said that I wouldn't be able to get off that (as I dearly wish) until I've gotten rid of the mercury and yeast.

Putting It All Together

Putting it all together, mostly I find it more astonishing that I went through that 'flash in the pan' of building muscle and getting quite strong a year or so ago than that I overdid it, burned out and came crashing back down to the reality of a very frankenstein'ed physicality. I am one grittily determined person! But with a gut so full of various yeast species (two were especially promiscuous but actually, according to the naturopath's reading of my test reports, there are five in there) to the exclusion of the symbiotic bacteria, with bones leaden like an old house's plumbing, with a thyroid that isn't functioning appropriately, due in part to mercury and probably just overstretched from all the starvation, there is evidently a long road of healing to travel!

Thank goodness my head has been so clear lately - before I cut out cooked/processed foods I was physically off-balance and in brain fog, losing my memory...

From my conversation with the naturopath, it seems clear that all of these observations are fairly typical for someone who has been anorexic.

Strength in Weakness Again/Renascence

Last night I had a moment of sadness, saying to Phil 'good grief - there's so much healing to do!' And then I immediately canceled the thought with 'but I'm getting well now.' His comment was 'This is your renascence. You really are coming back to life now.'
Having such a supportive partner plays a huge role in that, of course!